Love Like Christ

Christian marriage is not a contest for power. It is a vocation of Christ-shaped sacrifice, respect, service, and trust.

Opening Conversation

1. What does Christ’s love rule out in a husband’s leadership?
2. When you disagree now, who usually gets his or her way? Why?
3. What would sacrificial leadership look like in a real disagreement?

God Speaks

Ephesians 5:15–33

15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.  19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 

30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

• Ephesians 5 places both spouses under Christ and his self-giving love.

1 Peter 3:1-6

1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 

• Which of the terms below describes the Christian wife’s submission?
  • helper
  • inferior
  • suppressed
  • giving encouragement
  • doormat
  • putting him first
  • supportive
  • slave
  • respect
  • accepting his leadership

1 Peter 3:7–9

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.  

8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

• A husband’s headship is never permission for domination, intimidation, selfishness, or passivity. Its pattern is Christ, who gives himself for his bride.

Proverbs 31:10-31

10   A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

• In what ways does this describe a truly submissive and truly liberated wife?

John 13:13–17

13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

• What attitude does Jesus demonstrate that is bound to help your marriage?

Philippians 2:3–8

3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 

5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 

7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 

8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!

• Both spouses are equal heirs of the gracious gift of life and are called to honor, listen to, serve, and build up one another.

1 Corinthians 13:4–7

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

• Replace love with your name and read the paragraph.

Talk It Through

1. What does Christ’s love rule out in a husband’s leadership?
2. What does the Church’s relationship to Christ clarify about Christian submission?
3. Where are you tempted toward control? Where are you tempted toward passivity?
4. How will you make decisions when you initially disagree?
5. What would make your fiancé feel heard and honored during a disagreement?

Decision-Making Covenant

Write a simple plan for major decisions: pray; listen until each can state the other’s concern fairly; consult Scripture and wise counsel; seek genuine agreement; never use fear, money, sex, silence, or spiritual language as leverage.

Take-Home Conversation

Name one concrete way you can serve your future spouse this week without being asked.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, you loved your Church and gave yourself for her. Teach us to put away pride and selfish ambition. Make our home a place of sacrificial love, willing service, respect, courage, and joy. Amen.