Lesson 3 – Speak The Truth In Love

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Speak the Truth in Love

Good communication is more than technique. It is truth spoken by people who know how much they have been forgiven.

Opening Conversation

1. What happens in your family of origin when people are angry?

God Speaks

Ephesians 4:25–32

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

  • Tell the truth. Do not make your spouse guess what is wrong.
  • Attack the problem, not the person. Talk about things or phrases that hurt and put them off limits.

James 1:19–20

19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

  • Anger itself is a warning light; sinful anger attacks, humiliates, threatens, withdraws to punish, or keeps score.  Control your emotions.  You have more control than you are willing to admit.
  • Consider your body language.  Actions can speak louder than words.  Loving touches, hug and body contact are important.

Proverbs 18:13

13 He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame.

  • Listen to understand before answering. Curiosity is often more useful than rebuttal.

Matthew 7:3–5

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

  • Deal with the present issue. Avoid “always,” “never,” historical ammunition, mind-reading, and contempt.
  • Be responsible for yourself.  Am I willing to admit that I could be wrong?  Can you communicate when your mind is made up that your partner is wrong?

Colossians 3:12–14

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

  • Offer solutions. Unless it’s urgent, don’t just point out problems.
  • Christian reconciliation has a vocabulary: “I sinned against you. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” — “I forgive you.” Forgiveness does not call evil good; it refuses to weaponize forgiven sin.

GOSPEL CONNECTION

Ephesians 4 does not end with communication technique but with the gospel: “forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Christian spouses can confess without self-justification because their justification is already in Christ.

Talk It Through

1. What happens in your family of origin when people are angry?

2. Which is more natural for you: pursuing the conflict or withdrawing?

3. What makes you feel listened to?

4. What subjects are hardest for you to discuss honestly?

5. How will you handle conflict by text or social media? What belongs face-to-face?

The 20-Minute Conversation

One partner speaks for five minutes about a low-stakes concern. The listener may only ask clarifying questions, then summarizes what was heard. Switch roles. Finish by identifying one concrete next step together.

Take-Home Conversation

Practice the four sentences: “I sinned against you. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” — “I forgive you.” Discuss why each sentence can be difficult.

Prayer

Gracious Father, you have spoken peace to us in Christ. Guard our tongues from cruelty and our hearts from bitterness. Make us quick to listen, truthful in speech, ready to confess, and eager to forgive as you have forgiven us. Amen.